Dreya's World: living a multilayered life
  • Home
  • About
    • I Refuse to Choose
    • Principles & Lessons
    • My Life with Books
  • Blog
  • Reviews
  • Gallery
  • Living
  • Photo/Travel
  • Contact

‘A’ is for ‘Artistic’ (or not…)

27/2/2015

10 Comments

 
'A' is for 'Artistic' (or not...) - Dreya's World
Photo taken by DreyaB
I'm not one for regrets but I'm working through a process of self-exploration again and today I'm looking at choices I've made or didn't make. I know one of these areas is the fact that in my teens, when choosing subjects to study at school, I was 'bullied' out of choosing to further explore art and my artistic qualities and leanings. It wasn't parents or peer pressure that made me decide to leave art as a practical subject to explore behind, but my teacher and the experience that I know has scarred me. 

Every now and then there are experiences that I take personally and that stick with me for a very long time and though I have worked on these memories and the associated pain before, I still find this is a moment in my life that I come back to time and again. It's like constantly picking at a scab, letting it heal some more and then having another go. Underneath I imagine all I'm doing is building up scar tissue, but perhaps it is part of the process and any healing I may experience. 

I guess you may be wondering what happened and, though I'm loathed to go over it again, perhaps I should. Maybe it gets easier each time I excavate it. 

I'm guessing I was around 13 and had done well in art class in the past, so much so that as an A-grade student I was even invited, with my other A-grade art class colleagues, to enter a competition that I never got around to – in the end I know I was more of an academic student than a hands-on practical one – but this just shows the stage I was at with my artistic ability. 

On the day we got our final grades for the year our art teacher took great joy in making a big announcement in class that some of us had done very well but that there was a shock in store for someone and that they would receive an EE-grade, meaning they had got the lowest grades possible both for attainment and effort. Having received an AA-grade halfway through the year I thought I would be safe and was innocently wondering who the poor unfortunate was.

With the benefit of hindsight I'm sure you can see what's coming next, but at the time I had no idea. Yes, it turns out that I was that EE student, and I couldn't believe it! Even if my grade for attainment had dropped to an E, surely my teacher couldn't believe I wasn't trying at all and had put no effort in? Well, it looked like he did. I was mortified and didn't know what to do. I guess I discussed it with my friends at the table, and I finally plucked up the courage to go and discuss my grades with the teacher. 

I don't remember all that happened but I do recall him laughing, which at that age I couldn't understand and, though I may guess where he was coming from on reflection now, he still had no idea the impact and damage he was causing to me. Anyway, discussing things further he agreed to change my grade to a DD, which was an improvement but not great. I couldn't do anything further than leave my class and wait for the final report to show up and go to my parents.

In the end he revised my grades again – I can't exactly remember what to, DB perhaps, increasing my effort grade accordingly – but the damage had been done and I was mentally marked for the rest of my schooling and beyond. My decision process has been fundamentally influenced by that one instance in my life. I never went on to explore any of my artistic inclinations in any real educational setting and looking back now that is something I do regret.

Yes, I've played and experimented with art and crafts since. I even paid to take a watercolour class as an adult on an evening, but nothing has ever really stuck. The closest I get nowadays to any significant ability is in my photography, but I need to learn more about the technical side of things there. 

I know in reality it's not too late to attempt to overcome this experience and perhaps one day I will be able to explore the hands-on visual arts in some more supportive and educational way, but at the moment I know I can't afford it – both the money and the availability of time. I play at these things and never really get very far. I know I need to invest both time and patience in myself if I ever want to really achieve anything, but that scar tissue runs deep and perhaps I'm procrastinating to avoid the pain again, perhaps the excuses are truly real, but one thing I do know is that experience has had a big influence on my life because I let it.

I don't regret any of my other choices in life. I'm pretty good at weighing things up and making sensible decisions, but not having the time in my school life to explore art more is one thing I wish I'd done. Who knows what my life would have been like if things had been different? I never will and I can't do anything about that. What I can do is live in hope and that's one thing I always do. Whatever life throws at you in the end there is always hope and there are always choices – I just have to decide what my choices are... 

I usually do.

10 Comments

So here we are…

22/2/2015

8 Comments

 
So here we are... - Dreya's World
Image via Pixabay
My first bit of blog writing in quite a few months. In fact we’ve got into another year since I last put thought to paper. 

It’s not that I stopped writing completely; I did manage to write a couple of pieces for the wonderful JAQUO.com online magazine following an invite but a lot of my time has been taken up with pulling this website together. 

I only do this writing and photography lark in my spare time, and there never seems to be too much of that around as it is, but when the original home for my articles (Squidoo) went under, all manner of changes took place for me, as well as my ex-Squidoo colleagues. 

We’ve all recovered and adapted in our own ways, but I initially took the decision to let my articles transfer over to HubPages and for now they still sit there. Once they finally turned up there, there was a lot of acclimatising to the new surroundings and I have to be honest and say that it still doesn’t feel like home. At some point, probably when the pieces start being ‘unfeatured’, then I expect to move them on, but for now they can sit there and do what they do. If it means eventually readers find me here then that’s brilliant. 

However, because things didn’t feel so comfortable at HubPages I eventually decided after much debate that I would take matters into my own hands and build a website that I had control of, then I can choose whether or not something stays or goes and how I can promote things, without having to jump through other people’s hoops. 

Little did I know how long this would take me. Using a website builder has helped, but learning the functionality, how to do things the builder doesn’t offer and learning new skills in general has been a rather steep uphill climb – and I’m still not there. 

So far I’ve managed to pull together all my ‘blogs’ into one place, so people can see how things have changed for me over the years and it’s been quite interesting for me too to go back over these ramblings. I’ve not changed them in any way – just lifted them from one site to another, but rereading the content has been interesting. So much has happened and so much time seems to have passed. Take a look if you’re interested… 

But now I can move forward by either writing new items or learning how to transfer others. At the end of the day all I really want to do is write about things that interest me, that I love or that I want to ponder. I never really wanted to learn how to build a website or add ‘buttons’ and logos, but it’s amazing where an idea can take you – I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

I just need to find the time to keep going. Fingers crossed…




8 Comments

    Dreya B

    Here you'll find my musing and thoughts in no particular categories, just chronological order. The blog posts from earlier dates appeared on a few independent blogs, but I've brought everything together in one place. If you'd like to know a little more about me try the 'About' page.

    Archives

    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    April 2019
    August 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    October 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    September 2011

    RSS Feed


Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.